I often find myself reminiscing on the amazing times and the terrible times I had on the 4K for Cancer. And by ‘often’ I actually mean ‘everyday.’ Long days, hard rides, crappy food, pay showers and no beds. That’s how I spent my summer.

Every day was the same except for that day in Lake Lillian, Minnesota. I remember that day so well and I think about that day so much. The day we biked into Lake Lillian, I found out a friend from back home had gone missing. Only one other person on the trip knew my friend had gone missing… That was my boy Abo Raum (true bro.) Anyways, we found out our friend Salmaan had gone missing from back home and we were worried… tried reaching him on his phone but it was off. We remained optimistic and continued on with our evening… we had our dinner, took our cold showers, had a meeting and then went to bed. 

5 a.m. wake up. Grab my flavor free oatmeal and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Check my facebook at 6 and I found out Salmaan was no longer with us. I had to read it twice to make sure… I even did a google search to confirm it. I couldn’t believe it. I stood there awe-struck. Fuck, I’m sitting here now and it still sends a chill up my spine. I couldn’t even eat anymore.

I remember having to tell Abo the news. I remember exactly where it happened. In the hallway of that school we stayed at, “yo bro, I gotta talk to you” …

Silence.

What are you supposed to even say? What can you say? All we had were questions and no answers. How? Why? 

6:45 a.m. circle up. We don’t have much to say… we dedicated our day to Salmaan and his family. 

I remember the hug that happened before this picture… We both needed it, rough start to the morning. 

7 a.m. riding groups. It was only appropriate that I play mine and Salmaan’s song before we rode out… Drake- The Resistance. Listened to that song many times in my car with him. http://soundcloud.com/flowbonaero/drake-the-resistance

We leave Lake Lillian… this was one of the hardest riding days. We were moving at maybe 8 miles per hour and carrying this mental burden. We made it to mile 20 for our water break. This is where shit got heavy.

Your boy is hungry, getting some snacks in me. I remember David Panks’ family sent us tuna salad with crackers combo packs. That’s what I was eating when Abo grabbed me and said “Yo bro, come here for a sec.” I remember the look on his face. Something was up… That’s when he told me that Salmaan had committed suicide.

What the hell.

That day was mentally just tough for Abo and myself. We were left with so many questions and we were left in sheer disbelief. Salmaan was so happy and so motivated/driven. He had such big plans… Suicide was straight up out of character for him. That’s why it was so hard to believe. Abo and I decided to not ride for the remainder of the day and we spent the rest of our day on the phone figuring out what happened. It was a crazy day to say the least. 

But 

I learned a lot through his passing. Salmaan was a great guy. He loved the finer things in life, that’s for sure. And I am starting to do the same. 

I learned a lot about death that day as well. I learned that death always brings a flower with thorns to the people it takes away from. It’s up to you to see it for what it is and to not get hurt.

I learned so much from the passing of Salmaan and I finally found that “flower with thorns” that I had mentioned before. You see, his passing definitely was tough and sad, but it also taught me a lot about myself as a person and how I am with my friends. Like the passing of my good friend Arash, I am taking this away from Salmaan’s passing… I am making myself a better person now. Despite the horrible circumstances, I am striving to be stronger and better just the way Salmaan told me. 

Be thankful for the good friends you have. Good friends are hard to come by. Don’t be afraid to tell your friends you 

It was on that cold windy day in Lake Lillian that I realized Abo was more than just a friend… I realized that he was my brother. It was great to have my boy there who could resonate with me on so many different issues. It was great not to be alone. Maybe that’s what Salmaan needed. Maybe he just needed someone to be there for him. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there… but it’s over. You were one of the realest people I’ve met. I plan on being like that as well. 

So to Salmaan and Abo, I love you both. And to my friends who continually support me in whatever crazy task I am apart of at the time… thank you. You guys keep me going.

And sorry this post is “everywhere” I just wanted to put down my thoughts. 

Spread love.

Rode six days in a row… My body aches, I’m super tired. Going to glacier national park tomorrow which should be great. Probably no service up there.

Climbed a mountain today for no reason. In missoula, montana. Glacier national park this weekend… They currently have 12 feet of snow, wicked cold! Growing a beard to stay warm.

Been sitting through a hail and thunderstorm almost two hours. Temperature is in the 40s, I can see my breath! There are so many signs for bears and bison that I’m kind of scared. Cold and dark in my tent hoping no bears show up!

These past four weeks have been pretty crazy. So much biking has been done! I personally hit the wall earlier this week and lost my motivation to ride. Things have changed since earlier this week and I am so excited to continue riding.

The 4k for cancer has this little motto that goes “Cycle. Inspire. Unite.” I have the cycling part down for sure, but the inspire part, I’m not so sure about. I met a brother and sister at the minneapolis hope lodge last night. Cathy and Kurt were there for our taco dinner. I had the pleasure of sitting down with them for dinner and hearing their story and also telling mine. Originally I thought the “inspire” part of the saying only reflected on myself, but after last nights dinner I realized it isn’t. Cathy’s story touched my soul and inspired me to keep fighting. I hope my story inspires her to keep fighting, and I hope it inspires you to keep fighting.

After leaving the hope lodge last night, I could tell that all six of us had been changed. Words weren’t exchanged for a little, most of us just wanted to cry. It was incredible to see such strong people fighting the hard fight, but still have a great attitude about it.

With that said, I will be dedicating the remainder of my ride to Cathy so long as she keeps fighting, all the way until she wins.

Keep fighting, you are the inspiration I need to get through this ride.

Love and light,

Ali